“So many things seem to be happening. I will just describe a few. I have had this extreme awareness and knowing of all the “negative” aspects in my personality, in my being that need to be worked on. All that yucky dark stuff that usually make me cringe and want to hide. My usual reaction to the moments when i am digging deep, I mean deep inside myself, where most of us do not want to go, is to stop thinking about it, to dig my head in the sand because I have always struggled with self-worth. I have always felt like I was not good enough. I have almost been trained to hate myself. And to think about the “dark aspects” always made me depressed and loath myself. made me feel like a piece of shit if you will. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. (raised in an extremely religious southern baptist household which I feel I could write a whole book on the ass backwardness of organized religion but I digress)
The other lifelong struggle has been the negative attacks from the dark humans. At school, in the work place, even friends have been down right nasty in the past. A best friend of mine who for almost 10 years we were together almost everyday (who is one of us she just does not know it yet) has witnessed and has been just as perplexed as I as to why I so frequently get attacked by people, usually male. In my life it made me feel as though something was inherently wrong with me. Even though I have always known I have a big heart and have so much love to give and that I was here for a purpose. I love like crazy. I don’t have a mean bone in my body yet I sometimes am treated like dirt by people. My spirit guides have shown me recently that all the attacks, anxiety, depression, physical and sexual abuse have been Team Dark trying to derail me. Their plan was to keep me so consumed with fear and confusion over what was “wrong” with me and what I did to deserve all the awful things done to me. I am very sensitive and am an empath so living in this world with these people and energies has been freaking awful. Well those little fuckers may have won that battle but they sure as heck are not winning the war! On some level for quite some time it worked for a long time but no more! I have spent the last 30 years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why did I feel so different. Why did I feel like an alien on this planet? So now when facing these dark aspects of myself there has been a major shift. In the last few days instead of hating myself I shine the dark corners with love and forgiveness. And boy does it feel good…
Because faye1234’s Comment question was so important and one that most Starseeds/Wanderers/Lightworkers can completely relate to, I wanted to respond to it in an article instead of getting buried in Comments. Thank you faye1234. ❤
EVERY STARSEED’S FIRST THOUGHT TYPICALLY IS: “IT MUST JUST BE ME, RIGHT?”
Because my natal Sun is in Capricorn and in Capricorn’s natural 10th House, for decades I believed that my downright insane and miserable patriarchal encounters, head-butting fights, and those epic David vs. Goliath type battles with patriarchal persons in positions of power and/or authority were solely due to my Capricorn 10th House Sun… and a lot of it was. In addition, my natal Saturn—ruler of my Capricorn Sun—is in Libra (along with three other planets including the ruler of my ASC) and this Libra stellium only amplified my always feeling at odds with the “normal” patriarchal masses and what to me have always been their negative and seriously crazy belief systems, ways and actions.
These lifelong tensions and squirmy feelings I’ve always had (remember my age) were tremendously amplified whenever I had to interact with (typically) older males in positions of “power” and “authority” in our society; bosses, police, judges, lawyers, doctors etc. (After the 1960s revolutionary battles with “the establishment”, certain females were allowed to publicly wield more patriarchal power too and they became power-hungry, ego-based, left-brained imbalanced patriarchal humans we Starseeds/Wanderers/Lightworkers/Indigos also had to navigate. There were no equal rights for women, there was join the patriarchal Boys Club because that’s all that existed. I’ll spare you my numerous unpleasant and oftentimes insane and ridiculous battles, attacks and showdowns I’ve experienced with the patriarchy during my sixty years on Earth and get into the WHY of it. Natal placements plus this second ingredient are intimately connected and why I’ve repeatedly experienced extreme negative battles and attacks from so many humans—mostly males but plenty of patriarchal entrenched females too—physically manifesting Team Dark’s alien agendas in this dimension and world.
This other energetic ingredient is being a Starseed. A Starseed with a Soul Mission and hardwired ability to transmute, integrate, resolve and transcend density, duality and negativity and return those energies to a higher frequency state of energetic neutrality or “unity” while in physicality. Needless to say this is not an easy, safe or pleasant job to do while within a negative polarized physical world reality, and most Starseeds (and “Volunteers”, Forerunners, Wayshowers, Pathpavers etc.) with this particular Soul Mission and ability (“Polarity Integrator” as Lisa Renee has called them) have had more than our fair share of negative, cruel and outrageous attacks and battles with the physical human patriarchy.
So yes, the answer to our first thought that it must be me is correct, but for different reasons than you and I believed for far too long. It is just me, just you, just us, because we Starseeds/Forerunners/Wayshowers are here now doing what we’re so good at doing with and to polarized (Duality) energies. The real difficulty has always been that most Starseeds/Forerunners/Wayshowers typically don’t consciously remember that they “Volunteered” to incarnate on physical Earth now and why. A rare handful do remember from childhood that they intentionally came to Earth from elsewhere, whereas far more begin remembering later in adulthood. Other Starseeds, and even some Indigos, are triggered by their Higher Selves to begin consciously remembering their larger and more complex identity and Soul Mission(s) at specific times due to a multitude of personal, astrological, cosmic, multidimensional and evolutionary Ascension Process reasons.
But before a Starseed begins consciously remembering their greater identities and/or current physical plane Soul Mission, they typically believe the negative lies and BS that all the negativity, hostility, disrespect, violence, physical and etheric attacks, endless supply of abnormally imbalanced humans littering their earthly lifelong Path are somehow all their fault! They typically and automatically wonder what terrible thing(s) THEY must have done somewhere to create the constant negativity, darkness and cruel attacks from other humans during this lifetime. If you’ve bought into the “sin” and “guilt” or “karma” beliefs because you don’t remember your greater identity and Soul Contracts yet, then you assume that must be the reason for the endless negativity you attract from both living humans plus other-dimensional Beings, Aliens, Entities etc.
You, me, each of us typically runs these negative experiences through our own ego filters and naturally assume it is us, when in fact it is us, but it is only because we’re on Earth now to transmute and transcend the negativity in 3D and 4D primarily and NOT BECAUSE WE’VE DONE ANYTHING WRONG. My dearest fellow Starseeds/Forerunners/Wayshowers/Indigos, we naturally and automatically attract the negativity, insanity and imbalanced seen and unseen populations because we carry more Light here and the Dark instantly sees and recognizes us long before we ever recognize them! That unfortunate truth is simply part of our many different learning curves we must Master while here in 3D. We take plenty of beatings before we put two-and-two together, but once we finally do connect the inter-dimensional energy dots of our larger existence, identity and Soul Missions, we then move through our individual Soul Missions much easier, faster and with far less personal damages and wounds than before.
The farther along we individually go with transmuting polarized energies through our bodies and beings, the more we remember and embody High Heart or Unity or Triality Consciousness which makes our Work, our “jobs”, our Soul Missions here much easier, faster, less painful and polarized. We learn to reach and maintain emotional neutrality which is also greater and higher conscious awareness neutrality, with more and more things, people, situations, events, attacks and all the rest of it. We’re learning or have learned and mastered being and remaining within that third higher frequency space that exists vibrationally beyond (let’s say above for ease of communication) Duality which means we have an easier time NOT being affected or influenced by any physical human, nonphysical Being/Alien/Entity, or trans-dimensional events caused by either of them whether directed at us individually or not. It just is what it is and we simply do what we do with less and less drama, pain, negativity and time spent in those miserable battles and attacks. From my Denise perspective it took me far too long to reach the edges of this state of being and working of my earthly Soul Mission but there it is and what do I know about it all anyway? 😉
REMEMBER THE PRINCESS & THE PEA SYNDROME?
Starseeds/Indigos/Lightworkers are typically ultra-sensitives who FEEL things, people, events, locations, actions, thoughts, thought-forms, emotional energies, negativity, polarity etc. much more intensely than “normal” people do. Added to this is something I’ve become increasingly aware of over the past intense thirteen Ascension years (1999–2012) which is that the more polarized and dark or negative energies I’ve gotten rid of (transmuted and therefore removed), the less of it it now takes to make me feel like ultra crap! Hence, the Princess & the Pea business. This is another reason why our own inner dark, unresolved issues and energies—PLUS everyone else’s—feels so much larger and exaggerated to us than it actually is. The more Light there is, the more it highlights the Dark no matter how small it may now be. Don’t take it personally, don’t go into guilt over it, don’t obsess or fixate on it, remain emotionally neutral about it all and just do what you’ve been doing all along which is integrate it, transmute it, and transcend it back into unified Neutrality.
When we feel the dark or negative now it’s painful in new ways because it’s so profoundly amplified and highlighted by the abundant Light Energies now present. The dark thing only needs to be something small and simple now and yet it feels like a massive boulder under my twenty mattresses! “Consciousness” is rapidly becoming a whole-body and whole-being awareness instead of the old left brained linear only thought process of polarized 3D. We are rapidly becoming increasingly aware of more things but in very new ways which means we’re having to let go of even more and learn many new ways of perception during these last six months of 2012.
“WHY DID I FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN ON THIS PLANET?”
Because you are one dearest. ❤ Most of us Starseeds/Wanderers/Lightworkers are the positive ETs many people talk about that they believe will come to Earth and fix things! Surprise, but we’re already here and have been for decades, working behind the scenes, doing what we do for humanity and the Ascension timeline. I know that huge self-worth issues are common among the Groups or Waves of Starseeds/Wanderers (and Indigos) but you’ve all got to realize that you’re not here on Earth now to be like the human masses. Not remotely, so don’t use those negative and distorted Alien patriarchal human standards to measure yourself against for any reason. I know how hard and painful that is too but you’ve got to ignore those mind control delusions and distortions and be what you are and do what you do. And I know so many of you have done it repeatedly even when you didn’t know you were.
July 10, 2012
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