Polarized (Duality) Consciousness


I can let a lot of ridiculous (to me) beliefs and claims float on past, smile to myself and shake my head, keep my mouth shut and continue on. However, there is one subject that bothers me like none other and that’s when someone claims dark beings/dark forces/negative beings and/or energies (etc.) do not exist. That is one statement that offends me more than any other and I won’t remain silent about it.

In the split second it takes a person to read that claim, a huge majority of life on Earth across time—not to mention numerous other-dimensional worlds—is rejected, disrespected, not valued, blatantly ignored, overlooked and not even considered. How dare you do that to billions of souls who’ve suffered and died at the physical and non-physical hands of dark beings/dark forces/negative beings and/or energies.

I have a question for those who believe that dark beings/dark forces/negative beings and/or energies (etc.) do not exist. What has 3D Earth physicality been for for a very long time now? Has it been a place where only positive, loving, generous, compassionate, wise, sane, peace-loving humans, consciousness and energies have existed as equals? Let’s add Polarized Consciousness to 3D Earth physicality. Now you’ve got humans with highly polarized awareness/consciousness which means external reality and the planetary Collective and most of 4D is also polarized. I’m not saying polarity or polarized consciousness is “bad” or “negative” or “evil” or that the old lower frequency 3D Earth was either.  I am saying however, let’s be honest about what life on Earth has been like for thousands of years! Don’t disrespect everyone that has gone before and done so under the darkest and worst of conditions and times on 3D Earth and into 4D and beyond within certain other systems.

A polarized world and reality is a place where souls can directly learn about Polarized Consciousness and life within it. If it’s polarized that means there’s TWO primary energies, forces, sides, and consciousness existing within it correct? Two…not just one. Yeah, yeah, the TWO both originally came from THE ONE, from Source, but eventually they became polarized for important reasons I won’t disregard; mainly, further Free Will learning and creating. Keep in mind that at higher frequency levels and dimensions the Dark, negative, polarity, polarized consciousness, brutality etc. does not exist. Again, none of this is “bad” or “evil” or “wrong” but just learning about polarity and polarized consciousness and energies, discernment, being responsible, not being responsible etc. in certain locations where it can and does exist.


How do you expect to fully appreciate and utilize existence within an evolved/ascended 5D Unity world with Unified Consciousness if you can’t admit, cope with, or recognize that Polarized Consciousness and negatively focused Beings and their dirty deeds have and still exist? Out of the TWO lower polarized extremes eventually evolves/ascends a higher THIRD fully resolved, integrated and much more unified consciousness, state of being, and matching external world. Unity Consciousness within a unified reality is vastly more dear, more powerful, meaningful, delicious, special and alive with appreciative High Heart if you are intimately familiar with both polarities at a lower level and state of being. “Unity Consciousness” and “5D” are still empty terms and words that many people don’t as yet fully understand. I’m well aware that not everyone will personally be assailed by the Dark side; be glad, be profoundly glad, just don’t claim they do not exist when so many other Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers etc. have endured endless attacks and negativity by them.

Let me ask those who don’t believe in the Dark, negatively focused polarized non-physical Beings and physical humans—what is the entire Ascension Process for if they do not exist? Cosmic boredom? If they don’t exist then why has reality, life and consciousness on Earth been so profoundly horrific and dark for so long? Why have billions of people suffered horribly, been brutally tortured, murdered etc. over the Ages? There’s nothing like a few difficult encounters with the negative Dark Beings and their energies and tactics messing with you and your ascending self/body/consciousness, and/or loved ones and/or pets, to help Lightworkers remember exactly why they’re here on Earth now and what they’re really doing through the multidimensional Ascension Process and Dimensional Shift.  😉

You can’t live and learn within a polarized world, dimension, energy system, body and brain and then denounce half of those energies claiming they don’t exist! They do exist and have for so long it’s heart-breaking. To claim they don’t exist and believe they haven’t and still aren’t doing everything in their power—due to the ongoing Ascension Process—to maintain all they’ve controlled and fed off from for thousands of years is foolish in my opinion. Honestly ponder a moment about these ancient, huge and powerful Dark Beings and the negative things they’ve done to so many across time. Who do you think is having a  really terrible time right now? Who do you think is in greater fear now because of the ongoing Ascension Process? The Light or the Dark? Who would be lashing out and attacking certain souls/people like Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers etc., like there’s no tomorrow? Why? Because for them there is no tomorrow because of the Ascension and Dimensional Shift Process! These ancient Dark Beings either have to live through their own version of this Ascension Process, or, go elsewhere to remain unchanged and continue believing they must use and control other beings to remain alive themselves. How sad really. And we think we’ve had it hard transmuting and integrating the majority of our individual lower frequency stuff!


I love and respect my higher dimensional, non-physical Beings of Light/Love in ways it’s hard to verbalize. On that other polarized hand I also respect these “Dark” beings for endlessly keeping me on-track and guaranteeing that I do my comic job and fulfill my soul mission as a Lightworker/Starseed within the current great Ascension Process. I know it’s far more dangerous to take on the cosmic role of “Bad Guy” than to be the cosmic “Good Guy”. Many of these Dark Ones have totally forgotten who they are too and that they can also use these ascension energies to become free. I hate the nasty fuckers, but I also realize how so many of them have become trapped and are in massive fear, panic, and anger now because of the Ascension Process and what the incarnate Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers etc. have been doing that directly threatens their existence and food source.

When this new level of Dark negative attacks began for me and mine at the start of Oct. 2010, I was naively surprised. That’s how much I personally want to never ever have to deal with these beings and energies again! I tried to make them not exist any longer too out of a desire to finally be done! What a wake-up call I got in October! If you’ve read A Lightworker’s Mission then you’re familiar with how much I’ve had to deal with them and their energies, especially during Phase One of the Ascension Process (1999-2009). Since 2008, I’ve felt these Dark beings and their energies fade away from me and my world for the first time in this life. To me there is nothing better than being free of those horrific energies/beings/consciousness. Nothing. Take them out of the picture and it feels like being Home again!

I’ve realized since Oct. and Nov. 2010 that some of us—not all but some of us—are currently having to deal with the Dark Beings trying to stop us and what we’re here now to do. No mystery, it’s just that many of us Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers are the first in line manifesting higher energies and increasing Unity Consciousness aka High Heart Consciousness through ourselves, our bodies and consciousness just as we’ve always done within the Ascension Process. Now in Phase Two, some but not all of us have reached a new vast and complex multidimensional level where we have to do some more cleaning, clearing, removal of etheric negative energy blocks, tags, etheric energy implants, multidimensional location detectors etc. Lisa Renee is so much better at naming these things than I am so I’ll suggest you read her free monthly articles about this subject.

I sense we’re not done with this yet so we’ll mostly likely have on again/off again repeated negative psychic attacks and interference attempts from these Dark beings and energies. They’re fighting for their very lives and food source now and we Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers (plus all who remained within the non-physical dimensions) are first on their Multi-D Shit List if you get my drift. It won’t last forever so don’t freak out or run away. I’ve been taught it doesn’t work, so just go through the learning and do what you’re already great at doing. I sense that a tiny handful of people—like Lisa Renee, Tom Kenyon/The Hathors, Barbara Marciniak/Pleiadians—will continue receiving information about this particular stage and how we can protect ourselves and remove the more complex and higher level negative energy interference and/or tracking devices etc. that some of us still have.

When I read Lisa Renee’s “Command” from her Guardians I saw and sensed the different types of Dark negative etheric energy devices. Some but not all of us have religious backgrounds in this life and/or past lives where others of us do not. Others of us, but not all, have bloodlines that go way back and have specific negative interference energies and/or non-physical devices etc. Others of us don’t have those particular Dark things to deal with or the negative interference devices that the Dark created to distort original pure energies and lines of energies. Others of us, but not all, have specific negative Dark interference devices/energies etc. that are directed at Starseeds, of which I’m one.

In Lisa’s mass email notification about her Energetic Synthesis Ascension News for Nov. 2010, there was one paragraph that I knew was something I need to know more about now. She listed:

  • “the House of David Holy Grail bloodline…
  • the Unity code for male and female…
  • the “command”…
  • for Starseed Gridworker’s: Black Magic (life force reversal code) and those beings previously using it will surface to your awareness. How to stay fearless when facing the dark and its phantasm objects when you view the “field”. Dark Arts Training has begun.”

It was that last one about the “Starseed Gridworker’s” that I instantly related to because that’s one big aspect of my earlier mission as a Starseed Lightworker. My point is that some of us need to realize we may have some of these etheric devices messing with us for the obvious reasons. We do not all have all of these things Lisa mentions, nor do we all have the same identical ones. I know I have very little of the religious sounding energy lines in me, but I do have some others; the male/female one is very big business for me still, plus the Starseed Gridworker is a primary one for me. As always, your mileage may vary depending upon who you are, where you came from, bloodlines, stellar lineage, soul work, multidimensional knowledge and so on.

To wrap this up I must stress that I am NOT focusing on this topic of Dark negative Beings and forces etc. for sensational or dramatic reasons. I actually worry about some readers becoming too focused and immobilized because of it. Don’t! These beings exist and have since before dirt was but so have we, and we’ve already won and pulled this massive Ascension Process off even though it doesn’t look like it fully as yet. We’ve just entered a new level within this ongoing Ascension Process thanks to all we’ve gone through so far, and these are the intensified last-ditch efforts by the Dark Ones to stop us or at least sidetrack many of us Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers from what we’re doing, living, and being. We’re removing old dark interference devices and reclaiming all aspects of ourselves across Multi-D because it’s time for us to do so. Fear not, stay aware however, don’t be stupid, but also do not further empower these Dark beings and energies by focusing on them too much. Razor’s edge with this one. Acknowledge them and what they’re capable of but keep moving forward and doing The Work. And lastly, be aware that the cosmic playground has recently expanded…BECAUSE WE HAVE. This will happen more times throughout 2011 so get familiar with how it feels and works.

Denise Le Fay

November 19, 2010

Copyright © Denise Le Fay & TRANSITIONS 2010. All Rights Reserved. Permission is NOT given to use this article in any custom videos. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter it in any way and the content remains complete, credit is given to the author and this URL https://deniselefay.wordpress.com and Copyright Notice is included.

24 thoughts on “Polarized (Duality) Consciousness

  1. Absolutely Kite. We – as the Original Creators and Designers – wanted to experience this level of seeming separation from Source, forgetfulness, polarity, density and so on, so we created it and then inserted smaller aspects of Ourselves into the very worlds we created at higher levels. It’s just that this reversed trip through this Process (Ascension and increasing Unity Consciousness etc.) is a very different perspective and feel than it was when we did it Originally. We’ll get it though. 🙂


  2. “To me the why of all this is the important point, not that the Dark, the scary, the negative exists or does not exit. Why are we, as ascending evolving Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers and spiritual beings having to deal with these Dark ones now? That’s the real point to all of this I feel. I believe it’s because we’ve evolved/ascended to this point now where we’re having to learn how to function within a slightly larger Multi-D field of consciousness.”

    The Hopi Myths talk about a sacred tablet that is split into quaters. Each tablet carries a piece of the truth or spiritual story if you will, that will some day be brought back together by the great white brother Pahanna (inferring one with light).

    Each tablet is taken in a different direction with a different purpose. One goes North to the mountains of Tibet, another goes south to Africa, the next goes East to China and one stays with the Hopi. Each direct in the Hopi language is associated with a color. Red (Hopi) West, North Blue, East Yellow and South Black. These colors also correspond with the 4-color process of making film for printing purposes. They are known as Cyan (blue), Magenta (red,) and Black. IF you were to freeze your vision, you would be able to remove each of the layers of color here with an entirely different shading of the original picture in your mind.

    Thus, if one could correlate the 4 dimensions of color into the main religions we have, we would find that each version of truth is but one layer of color and therefore distorted on it own but when brought together with the other “plates” (Josepeh Smith allegedly found a plate and set of yellow glasses to read them), then perhaps the greater story emerges regarding our unity and deliberate split into Piscean waters so we could develop the perpectives necessary to own our own and integrate the other perspectives.

    Therefore, I must conclude that we made up the game of polarization so we could posterize ourselves into interesting artwork and masterful artists.

  3. arishantia/karina,

    Gonna try again. 😉

    I too was rather frustrated with that quote by Metatron (I’m not familiar with this beings channeled materials at all), only because it too does NOT cover how really complex this particular topic is.

    Yes through forms exist and in this way we screw ourselves and each other with them in all sorts of ways.

    Yes “demons and demonic” type beings are primarily religious-based, human created thought forms that then live long in the planetary Collective no matter if you believe in those particular religions or not! A thought form is a thought form and most everyone is, at some level, effected by them.

    Now here comes the part that most people and channeled beings do not talk about for the most part. (Barbara Marciniak’s channeled Pleiadian group always has however.) Who and what all is behind the world leaders, the world’s religious leaders, the world’s governments, the worlds military and leaders etc.? I’m talking about Unseen Beings that are polarized to the dark, the negative, the “Service to Self” side.

    These Unseen Multi-D Dark negative beings have always known that this is a “Free Will” zone and that 3D physical Earth reality is a place where polarity is experienced and they’ve utilized all of this very well! Point is that typically these Unseen dark negative beings are the masters behind the human world leaders/elite, that in turn define reality to the planetary masses. These dark beings know very well that controlling human beliefs (religious and most others) will indeed have the humans creating thought forms left and right. This is “Dark Magic” but on a mulitdimensional scale and and humans have so easily been used to believe certain things which in turn create thought forms about those particular beliefs which in turn FURTHER control the human masses and their consciousness AND also keep them within a very lower frequency range so that they produce fear, negativity, confusion, warring etc. which is exactly the food source of these dark negative Unseen Multi-D beings.

    See how this dark Multi-D crap works? Rather clever use of 3D human consciousness and emotions by these Dark Ones isn’t it? And I’m not saying that these Dark beings are “demons” or “demonic”. They are something bigger, older, and far more talented than religious-based thought forms.

    To me the why of all this is the important point, not that the Dark, the scary, the negative exists or does not exit. Why are we, as ascending evolving Lightworkers/Starseeds/Wayshowers and spiritual beings having to deal with these Dark ones now? That’s the real point to all of this I feel. I believe it’s because we’ve evolved/ascended to this point now where we’re having to learn how to function within a slightly larger Multi-D field of consciousness. This simply goes with the territory of Ascension…and is also an aspect of our returning to “Universal Society” too. Like I’ve said, from our perspective the playground has recently grown and is housing more Beings than it did before for the simple reason that we have grown and expanded our selves/consciousness/awareness etc. And we’re not done yet so we’re having to make some big discoveries and some big changes in ourselves, our beliefs, how we function, and take a bit more responsibility for being more conscious of our being multidimensional beings after all! 😉

    So karina, you are very correct in sensing that something was amiss with that small Metatron quote. It was only talking about the more religious side and the thought forms that have been created by humans due to what they were directed into believing about the ancient “gods”, “God”, “demons” and so on. But who originally fed the religious beliefs to the people in the first place is the real question and where we all need to remember to consider, and not only with religious beliefs but most all other control systems on the planet.

    The other VERY important aspect of this discussion is about our learning to use our discernment, our being able to read energies for ourselves. You did this karina and knew that more was going on than just what Metatron was saying in that quote. I do not care what channeled being says what; just because they are channeling information to us does not mean it is always correct, totally undistorted, or that it is for us at this moment. This is why we all MUST learn to discern for ourselves and what is discernment really? It’s not having reality fed to us and/or interpreted for us, which means we are breaking those ancient Dark multidimensional binds with the negative Beings that have controlled human consciousness for so long.


  4. Wow! o.O

    What happened to my second comment??? It was right here on this forum. Hope it wasn’t a call to take it down or something. Was it offensive? Unnecessary? Too much? Egads. If it were… I’m deeply disheartened and really sorry for that. 😦

    Good point you’re making Shamballa9944: “the glut of entitled, self-important and ungrateful”… yeah… they seem to be all over the Media lately… and it’s not fun… not fun anymore at all.

    O boy Karina: it is of SUCH irony to hear, see and read about the righteous christians rampaging all over right now… obviously because they feel so threatened by all of the inner and outer changes. They are so annoying… and they are us. Well me for instance. I’ve grown up in it so much… denounced it and yet living under the same roof with loyal-to-the-Anglican-God christian parents… who find me ungrateful and discontent and find I need help going back to “him” in some way. I roll my eyes to that one. There are no words to express the irony of it all but to say this: as an ex-christian (I claim myself to be now in silence) I’m so sorry for the ill we unconsciously caused on you. Really I am.

    So much irony… and hugs and love to you all. Hope that’s okay. ^_^’

    Lou Ann

  5. @arishantia

    “every time i think i understand why i’m being put through this, i read something that confuses me again. not your article, denise ~ the explanation by metatron / tyberron. denise, you make perfect sense to me and so does lisa renee . . . but metatron here seems to be saying we created whatever’s being thrown at us from the interdimensions, sometimes nearly killing us, which makse it sound once again like it’s not lightwork and we created it ourselves (individually, not as thoughtforms created historically over eons by the collective) . . . i think i’m not understanding, perhaps.”

    Since I posted that article, I’m guessing I should help clarify what I think it’s saying. First, it says that the duality is created in 3d therefore the thoughtforms we “participate” in creating are done at that leve. We do not walk around thinking that let’s create Charles Manson today. But we do walk around with fears of murder and anger at willfull serial killers that carve swastikas into their foreheads. Manson would be (and has been) the first to say that he get is “power” to manipulate others to do his bidding from the perceived fear they have of him. Thus, we contribute to evil through our emotions. It’s just like Yoda’s lessons in Star Wars to master his emotions so he could face the Dark Side and prevail. The more these things are demonized, the more they grow in power and influence.

    The other idea concerning that we “create” this energies is a troubling form and the one of the first a Lightworker deals with. We see this lesson learned by the avatars as they leave their normal lives on some sort of vision quest that includes the revelation that we are co-creators of our reality. Yes, there is a consensus reality that keep chairs and tables focused in space so we can comfortably eat, but the metaphysician will tell you that they are only there because we “agree” they are there. Argreements happen at the collective level concerning our environment and evolutionary unfoldment and at the individual level to determine the people and experiences that will propell us to our own greater good. This piece of it requires a leap in faith, especially when faced with dark projections of the polarity experience.

    We do not consciously stir up these energies for the most part. We’ve consenually agreed that they are necessary for ascension to higher levels because for the most part, attributes they hold masy very well be attributes we’ve disowned and suppressed into our own “shadow” aspects. The astrologer looks to the realms of Saturn, Neptune and Pluto to clues in the birthchart on areas of the life these are likely to effect and how they might be expressed. Our Saturn returns between 27 and 30 years old are usually an activation point that push us into confrontation with these aspects so that we can source them back to our role in co-creation and integrate them through non-judgment and acceptance – Luke acknowedges Darth Vader is his father and he begins to feel compassion.

    These elements of integration and compassion are what give rise to the higher levels of conciousness above duality. The bottom-line from my point-of-view is that we must make peace with the shadows, but not through opposing them, but by recognizing them for what they are – fallen angels and discarded pieces of “thought trash”.

  6. Thank you Denise. This week for the first time since I have this job (which is/has been a wonderful work environment overall), I was disheartened with the glut of entitled, self-important and ungrateful. Interestingly though, this overpowering shift in attitude/experience of my job came directly on the heals of a wonderful awareness about it: for the first time in this life experiene I am in a workplace in which I am truly an equal, even while taking on a support (feminine) role! [I have been in both support and managerial roles throughout my career, and prefer the support role by far.] This realization was so overpowering, so heartening, that I have here the opportunity to experience first hand true equality of the feminine — I wasn’t prepared for the darts and arrows to pull me back down. On the other hand, if I were to “brace myself” for this type of backlash, wouldn’t I just be starting the process, stopping the expansion experience? That’s how this feels to me anyway.

    As for the mirrors, great suggestion. I have used this often and have clear intention about keeping these, and a membrane that it impenetrable by anyone who would take energy from me without my permission.

    In the particular incident I described on Friday, I felt shaken because of the total clarity with which I could see this woman “being.” I felt protected, but so startled, as if “someone” was forcing me to recognize it on every level. I hestitate to say this because I may well be too close to it, but it felt to me as if there wasn’t even any judgment about it–just perfect clarity, mixed with (an almost cellular) shock on my part. This job continues to be an arena of great learning for everyone–but the program is winding down, so the lessons may also be reaching a cresendo… We shall see 😉

    Thank you Denise. Shamballa

  7. Hi Denise and all,

    Now that Karnia and Shamballa9944 are mentioning this… in this light… has anyone seen ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” lately? The latest elimination of Brandy and Maks… has many viewers reeling.

    Many suspect that politics is involved in this to keep Sarah Palin more in the public eye… rigging the votes on DWTS…. counting down the days for 2012’s election as president… which for me… is flat-out irritating and WAY too obvious. She’s trying to take over the world or something?!?

    It looks like the 33% of ill-talking, ill-intolerable, racist-mongering, self-righteous, evangelical Bible-bent christians are winning and having the last say for ALL Americans. And it’s IRRITATING the majority (including me): Most viewer’s chairs have been rocked and don’t like it at ALL. Even a 60-something year old man shot his TV when Bristol the Pistol has once again been saved. It seems most of all of the really good dancers have been debunked by politics and mediocrity.

    I’m reading a good number of forums about DWTS… and almost everybody said that it now looks like a popularity contest… over good dancing competition… and they’re boycotting that show. They did mentioned that they DID vote… but for some odd reason, it took 30-55 minutes to get confirmation that their votes went through. Or maybe not.

    Someone’s poking somebody and they (Dark T-Shirts???) are getting fed.

    I noticed that the longer we kept watching T.V. … the more we’re seeing that Palin lady on the news… being viewed as an audience, more and more on DWTS… having her own book out… having her own show in Alaska… talking out-of-line things on 20/20 (which we didn’t watch but was on the news anyway)…

    I’m sure this would be reeking with negativity and blunt-out irritation to many here in this forum so I’ll see if I can cut it to the chase: through my intuitive eyes… the Dark T-shirts are deliberately irritating the masses to create MORE negative energies coming from the Collective Consciousness… poking on their beliefs… creating assumptions that their votes no longer count because the ones in power can rig it anyway. And since everybody overseas are still looking at America for answers… America is still seen as the Empire… in spite of itself… and thus it’s American citizens x5 from overseas. We’re saying in conversations: “Americans are letting THAT happen?!? What’s going on!!!”. It seems… in my humble view… that most Americans (especially the ones who want the old world back) once again are being challenged about their rights… their voice… the things that matters most… anything that gets them go berserk.

    I find that’s a real irony: most people confessed that they no longer want to watch TV… now that the “good things on TV” … like DWTS… are now being politically corrupted and twanged. I see in my mind’s eye they’re heading outdoors … which albeit… leads to the Garden Life and taking full stewardship and responsibility of their soil… and learning to NOT taking dominion over the Earth… without them realizing it.

    This is good. This is REALLY good! Let’s create our OWN DWTS… and we are the stars in the sky! 😀

    I also find myself observing myself: if I keep thinking about Bristol the Pistol and Palin the asinine sailin’… they’ll forever be there. THAT’S what they want: to keep me and others being irritated. Dark T-Shirts win again?!? HELL no!

    Also… I keep noticing that one of the most deeply, ingrained but preciously-held beliefs is Competition: you only get the gold/trophy IF you deserve/worked hard through sweat and blood for it. And again… we can thank the Dark T-Shirts (whoever they are in the public arena) for that.

    No more competition.

    Another issue I find on the rise thanks to Bristol: the entitlement mentality people are saying “well yes I DO DESERVE the best things in Life for free… and I don’t care where it comes from and who sweated out blood to create/produce it for me. It’s MINE! I WANT that car… the big-ass house… that luxury this and that for free! I WANT it!”. Sounds like complacency and baby-ego tantrum to me.

    That’s what got me stumped on.

    Then again… with the in-coming Light and energies and more planetary alignment surprises still coming round the bend in 2011… surprising the HOOTS outta us…. who is to say that THAT entitlement mentality and the political spotlight that threatens equal rights and freedom… are here to stay? Would anyone have that attitude in their heart of Hearts when such systems like money and government could no longer exists??? Wouldn’t they not naturally collapse… literally???

    We will soon find out. :I

    Okay I’ve said too many things here now… but I had to get it on “paper” and get it out of my chest. ^_^’

    Namasté to you all. O… I hope “Namasté” does not irritate anyone here… after so much bull-crap denial from other Lightworker forums. o.O

    Lou Ann

  8. denise, i understand! this happens to me often. i’ll be blocked from doing something on the computer and i’ll have to think fast and find another way to do it before they can block me.

    guess what happened last night? i was watching a margaret cho video (she’s a comedienne but she was also quite serious in this one) someone had put on LG’s forum about christians, and how they don’t show compassion and are bigots and nothing like jesus, and when she said that in a certain verse from the bible it says, “Shut the fuck up!” all the power in this room shut down. Poof! and there i sat in the dark with these unseen guys fuming and i said, “look, you just have to face it, i’m not the only one who feels this way.” and my should-be ex (“drove,” the black ops call him — i’ve got those guys too – i sound like a paranoid schizophrenic! but a lucid one) helped me get things up and running again, and i said the christians did it, and he said i was crazy and it didn’t take much to get me “off and running” as he put it. (he’s really fed up with me lately. to put it mildly. oh well. don’t know how to leave yet.)
    i look forward to your response to the last one and i’m sorry you’re being messed with. sometimes i feel like poison. it’s horrible.
    love you,

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